Estrangement in Relationships
Estrangement: ?to be no longer close or affectionate to someone; to be alienated from a former relationship
Am I the only one that struggles in relationships? ?
In the past couple of years I have struggled greatly in many of my relationships: ?my relationships with friends, my relationships with my adopted children, my relationships with some of my young adult children, my relationship with my husband.
And, let me tell you, it is NOT fun ... not at all.
I have always been very social. ?I've always had quite a few friends. ?Admittedly, I've often longed for deeper and closer friendships, but I have had friends. ?Growing up, I never quite "fit" into any of the cliques, but had friends in all of them. ?I wasn't a top notch athlete, but I played volleyball and basketball and ran on the track team. ?I wasn't the top vocalist, but I sang in the choirs. ?I wasn't the star of the musicals, but I was in the chorus. ?The same has proved true in my adult life. ?I never quite "fit" into the "popular group" at church, but always had acquaintances within that group.
I've been the encourager. ?
I've been the one that friends?
can share their hearts with. ?
I've been the one that friends know?
they can share prayer requests with ...?
and they know I will pray.
Jim and I have always opened our home to friends. ?Our house has always been the house to hang out at ... the house to play games at. ?Several times over the years we have had a consistent group of friends who came to our house nearly every week for several years ... for dinner ... or games ... or conversation.
Yet, the past 3 years have been lonely. ?
Very lonely. ?
We lost a lot of friends when our "school for homeschoolers" went through some big upheavals 3 years ago.
We lost a lot more friends when we had to disrupt the adoption of our son 2 years ago. ?(Even some of our closest friends just could not come to grips with the fact that we were "giving away our son", despite knowing all of the devastating details.)
We lost more friends when Jim quit teaching at the "school for homeschoolers", and moved to the island to be a pastor.
So, we no longer have friends to even invite over. ?
While Jim was living on the island and I was living in the old house, it was hard to have "family friends" or "couple friends". ?When I moved to the island for 6 months, we had friends ... but the place we were living was too small to invite friends to; and very few people will invite our large family to their houses. ?So, while we enjoyed the occasional get-together with friends, it was still a very lonely time. ?When Jim finally moved home 6 months ago, we were in the middle of our Marriage Crisis, which was not the time to try to find new friends. ?So ... here we sit ... 2 years after Jim moved to the island ... wondering how and where to find new friends.
I am still reading as much as I can ... still searching and seeking answers ... still pondering all of the "Who Am I?" questions.
This week, I am reading, "Begin Again, Believe Again: ?Embracing the Courage to Love with Abandon." ?Here is a short excerpt that stood out to me today ...
"Estrangement in relationships can be the process that allows us to lose ourselves and become like Jesus. ?When we reach the end of our human resources, when there is nothing that we can do, when what we want most is out of our grasp, and when we are relationally impoverished, we have the opportunity to be radically dependent on God. ?... ?
Estrangement in relationships is perhaps the most painful gift, but it allows us to get ourselves out of the way so that we can welcome Christ ...
The desert of estrangement has a wonderful purpose: ?it is where humility, mercy, trust, compassion, and forgiveness are resurrected!"
No. ?I am not glad that I have had so many
estranged relationships in the past 3 years.
No. ?I have not yet come to the point?
that I can thank the Lord for these?
relationship estrangements. ?
No. ?I cannot yet call them a "gift".
But ...?
I have reached the end of my human resources.
There is nothing more that I can do.
What I want most (friends) seems
to be completely out of my grasp.
And ...
I want to be radically dependent on God.
I want to get myself out of the way,
so that I can welcome Christ more fully.
I want to lose myself and
become like Jesus.
I want to allow Him to fill the emptiness?that?
is there from all of the estranged relationships.
I want more humility, mercy, trust, compassion,
and forgiveness to be evident in my life.
I know that ...
God is working.?
God is teaching. ?
God is leading. ?
God is bringing healing.
Thank you Jesus ...
... ?for the renewing of our marriage relationship.
?? ? We are still in process, but moving forward.
... ?for the new church friends that invited us to
?? ? spend the day with them on their Big Boat.
... ?for a couple of bloggy friends that just invited
?? ?me to a local support group for Mamas of RAD Kids.
... ?for the bloggy friend that just invited me to
?? ? be a part of a private online community
?? ? of mamas that have challenging adopted children.
... ?for the MANY long distance friends that love?
?? ? us and pray for us, and especially the ones
?? ? that invited us to their Cabin at the Beach
?? ? last weekend.
... ?for ALL of my Bloggy Friends (and blog stalkers)
?? ? that pray for us. ?(Jim ran into an old friend from
?? ? the school, ?yesterday,?whom we haven't seen in?
?? ? probably 4 years, and she?told him that she is a?
?? ? blog stalker that never comments,?but that she?
?? ? prays for us regularly.)
Help me Lord ...
... ?to allow You to fill the emptiness.
... ?to desire You more than I desire friends.
... ?to know You more.
... ?to be radically dependent on Only You.
Fill me with Your ...
... ?humility.
... ?mercy.
... ?trust.
... ?compassion.
... ?forgiveness.
How dependent are you on your relationships with friends and family?
Are you more dependent on your friends and family, than you are on the Lord?
Do you desire time with your friends and family, more than you desire time with the Lord?
(This is NOT a guilt-trip question ... I am asking myself these questions right along with you ... and my answers are not the "right answers".)
Would you be willing to give up your friends, if that is what the Lord desired in order for you to be more fully committed to Him?
God wants all of us to grow in humility, mercy, trust, compassion, and forgiveness. ?What do you think He may be asking you to give up ... in order to grow in these areas?
?
Source: http://imghanaadopt.blogspot.com/2011/06/estrangement-in-relationships.html
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